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Author: Subject: Not sure how to help....

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Registered: 18-5-17
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[*] posted on 18-5-17 at 12:47 PM
Not sure how to help....

My fiance has recently admitted to having a problem with has been a long time coming but he has decided to go to SAA meeting this weekend. I am so glad but I am wondering how I can help him through this. Also, should we abstain from being intimate? Completely new to this addiction and would appreciate any feedback.
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[*] posted on 20-5-17 at 09:19 PM

First, be clear that this is the addict's stuff and is NOT your fault. Probably the best thing you can do is get healthy yourself. And that probably means connecting with others who are in a similar situation. There is SANON and I'm guessing the SAA has a similar program. The bottom line is that no one can help an addict unless the addict decides they WANT to get sober. From there the best help is a spouse who is working their own program (and therefore has some idea of what the addict is working through.) Addiction and co-dependence are in some ways opposite sides of the same coin.

God loves me right here, right now, just the way I am. God's love is unlimited and unconditional. There is nothing I can do so good that it would make God love me more. Nor is there anything I can do so bad that it would make God love me less.

Motto: Quis sim scio. Scio quid faciam.
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[*] posted on 25-5-17 at 07:49 PM

Hello Reader,

I feel for you. I know how hard these types of discoveries can be. In SAnon, they teach us that we didn't cause the addiction, we can't control the addiction, and we can't cure it.

The only thing you can do to help is to take care of yourself. Recovery from his addiction will be his journey.

Check out some work by Stefani Carnes for more information on what this is like for the partner of a porn addict.

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