NB36
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Registered: 27-7-10
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![[*]](./images/engage/default_icon.gif) posted on 29-7-10 at 08:13 PM |
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Suffering
I need help and can't seem to find it anywhere. I've been addicted for around 20 years and it's coupled with an obsessive/compulsive thing. From the
time I was around 13 until I was 18 I lived in a home where my dad and step mother worked second shift. During the school year I saw no adult during
the week because they left for work before I got home from school and I was asleep when they got home. When I did see them on the weekend or during
the summer I was in a verbally abusive environment. This verbal abuse and neglect drove me towards the one thing many teenage boys turn to, porn. I
spent many years in depression with the only escape being Sports and P. This carried over to my adult life and has become much more than just my
escape from the negativity in my life. It has evolved into so much more. My obsession with the beauty that is the nude female form has over taken
every aspect of my life. I can't quite looking at and searching for that naked female that I haven't seen yet. This quest is constant and I've missed
much of my childrens lives already. They are still young and I don't want to miss any more. I need help.
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Helphope
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| posted on 29-7-10 at 10:32 PM |
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I am very sorry for your pain, but I'm glad you found this site.
Rest assured that many of us are or have been where you are now. We all have different challenges, but secrecy and being alone are very common
threads weaving together those problems.
Please continue to post here, but also reach out to people withwhom you can interact face to face. I try to avoid being alone by intentionally
spending time with the people that mean the most to me, my daughter and wife. Like you, I don't want to miss my child growing up or fail to be the
father that she needs, that I know she always needs right now.
Most of us have found support to help weather the distress you describe, through local 12 step groups, therapists, or both. Be sure to look at the
getting started guide here, and you might want to take a very close look at the threads about these strategies.
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TimM
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Location: Rural Midwest, USA
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| posted on 30-7-10 at 07:37 AM |
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Where have you looked for help, and where are you open to looking for help? I've found very important help through the 12-step program, both
face-to-face and online. I've found help through professional counseling, which sounds like something that might help you deal with the problems
carried over from your childhood. I've found help from meditation teachers, who have helped me perceive and accept my experience. I've found help
from the love offered me by the small group of friends and relatives who know my story.
All those have been sources of help for me. How many of those have you reached out for or can you reach out for?
Tim M.
"We try, and we try, and we fail; and then we go deeper." -Suzuki Roshi
"In other traditions demons are expelled externally. But in my tradition demons are accepted with compassion." -Machig Labdrön
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needsomehelp10
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| posted on 31-7-10 at 07:55 AM |
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I suffered psycholigical abuse from an A parent so can relate.
I've sought help from different areas including my doctor, local priest, and this board.
The more my addictions are being discussed and dealt with, the less power they are having.
I'm only a month in recovery but would already agree that the isolation/secrecy strengthens the problem.
Hope this helps
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