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Author: Subject: What would you say?
Nothing Left
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[*] posted on 25-1-11 at 02:27 AM


Awesome thoughts, and the deepest feelings - very well conveyed ladies.

Just a hard learned addition to Dene's "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger".... I have found, in the case of SA/PA, that what doesn't kill you can maim you pretty good, and sometimes for a long time!

That, of course, is meant to be kind of light-hearted - or true.

Love ya'll, miss ya'll.
Still suffering through my own recovery.

NL
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baybgrl
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[*] posted on 2-3-11 at 01:17 PM


I would like to just say Thank You to Tanya for being great with the replies when I first joined.You helped me alot in finding out that what I was going through was not my fault and even told me exactly what I could expect in the days to come.Even though I drifted out of the group soon in denial for what was going on in my life,I could always see the words written to me from Tanya "YOU ARE NOT ALONE" and it has been the key to my strength.:bighug
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chicagoJune
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[*] posted on 5-4-11 at 05:32 PM
My life is turned upside down!


Hey there....My husband is Finally working on his problem. I was going to leave but I understand that it's like a disease now so I don't take it so personally. I still don't like it! I have suffered ALOT and my self esteem is at its all time low. My question is, should I just get away from him or is better to stick it out while he's working on recovery?
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Banza
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[*] posted on 14-4-11 at 11:09 AM


I found out that my boyfriend is a PA 4 days ago and I am crushed and have no idea why I have to go through this!

I feel like my whole world has fallen apart!

I hope this forum helps - I really do.
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Unknownwoman25
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[*] posted on 21-4-11 at 10:27 PM


I have learnt so far that this may be a never ending battle. Seems like my fiance is relapsing on his porn addiction but denying it to himself & me. I'm really worried and feel helpless.
We have a child together so I can't just pack up & leave. I hope it won't get to the point that I will have to :-(
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georgiegrl65
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[*] posted on 21-5-11 at 06:13 PM


I have been married to a wonderful man for 12 years. We have 1 child together. I am positive that he is addicted to porn. For years, I thought that it was me because I had gained weight, or because I wasnt all that experienced in the bedroom...etc. I have went through several depressions, I have accused him of having affairs, I have thought about having an affair myself. I love him, and I want a good relationship, I just don't know how to approach him about this. I have told him that I know that he has a porn addiction, but he just blows it off. He has ruined one computer. I crave his affection. How do I go about trying to get him to see how bad it is in our relationship? What do I say to him?
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roramich
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[*] posted on 31-5-11 at 09:49 AM


Dear Georgiegrl,
Welcome to PAI, and I'm sorry for your pain.
I encourage you to post your story in a new thread; this one was meant to provide advice for people just discovering the issue... partners can give you support and help on a separate thread that you start.
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Mrs Snake
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[*] posted on 28-10-11 at 05:00 PM


For me it would be easy.......

You aren't alone!

That to me was the ultimate thing to say! I felt so alone and desperate last Sunday to come here and realise that I wasn't alone was beyond helpful! I've only been here a short-time even though it appears I should have been here a lot LOT sooner! That was all I needed to hear - you are not alone!

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Lullaby
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[*] posted on 21-11-11 at 12:54 AM


One thing I would say to anyone who found out that their boyfriend (not husband) was a PA:

GET OUT NOWWWW!!!!!!! SAVE YOURSELF!!!!!
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SadHony
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[*] posted on 16-12-11 at 09:02 AM


Hello guys.

I am new here. I would like to cry, but I can't. I just heard TODAY that there something like addictoin to internet porn even exists.
God damnit, why was I that stupid? We are 3 years together now. I read today very much about this topic. So many symptoms that fit to him. I mean SOOO many. So many experiences, discussion we had, things he said, things he did. This makes sence now.

Please, I am absolutely overwhelmed right now, it crushes all together. Anyway, I thank you so much for this thread, for sentences like "you are not alone". I think you are right since the post from butterfly_13 on page 1 fits very much to that what I've gone through.

I think I will post later an own threat. Actually I would like to hide in a snail shell, I don't want to think and I don't want to see him tonight when he comes from work, watching at him like a PA. I just know, I should calm down. It would not be good to confronte him directly tonight. What do you think?
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Eliza77
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[*] posted on 7-2-12 at 09:12 AM


THANK YOU Roramich and Evolution!

I have never thought that I had a right to have a porn free home. For the last year I have actually felt bad for asking for one. (which I have insisted). I thought that I was some kind of wierdo to ask for a porn free home. I honestly never thought it was a normal/decent/okay/non-demanding request. I thought it was me over reacting.

Sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU. It is so reasuring to hear that that is an acceptable request
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[*] posted on 13-2-12 at 09:42 AM
HI.new here


Hi. all I am new to this site.. not new to the pain of what a sickness can do however.. just hoping to meet some other women who can relate to me .
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Duplikate
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[*] posted on 17-3-12 at 01:33 AM


Love yourself. Nothing you have done or haven't done has caused this.
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[*] posted on 3-4-12 at 10:28 PM


That is really nice to read, Lilypad! Having that type of support is wonderful, thank you for sharing your message!



Addiction doesn't kill the addict. It kills the family, kids and people who tried to help!


-----------------------------------------------------

This is a true story and is copyright material. Use of this material is forbidden without the express permission of the author.
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[*] posted on 3-9-12 at 10:21 AM


I'm glad this thread was bumped because I really needed to hear a lot of the things said here. This is all really new to me, so I am glad that these aren't issues that I need to go through alone. The biggest issue for me lately has been feeling badly about myself because my partner's problems. I spoke about it in the thread I started (and I guess I still have a lot to say, so I might go update that) but basically, even though *he* has been extremely honest with me and has reassured me that this isn't my fault...it's nice to hear it from other people, too.

This isn't my fault. This isn't because I'm not attentive enough, or pretty enough, or loving enough. This problem has nothing to do with me or any of my actions. His actions don't mean that he doesn't care, either. They mean that he has a problem and we're getting help in correcting it.
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jacki3030
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[*] posted on 24-4-14 at 06:33 AM


Quote:
Originally posted by princess
It is NOT your fault. Nothing you did do or didn't do started this addiction. Nothing you do in the future can fix your partner. They must do this for themselves.



This although told to me, many times, on different sites and in different books, didn't help me. Although I now know that it is true. By the time I found this site, I had already internalized it, deeply. For me, it started long, long ago, when I was young. So it was a scab too easily picked open. There may well be many other partners 'new' to this, that are similiar.

What may have helped me was to be told

"He has made the choice to do these things. Yes, he has an addiction, but give him no pity. He chose to handle his life in a very unhealthy way. Now, you have a choice. You get to choose whether or not you let his actions change how you feel about yourself. You get to choose whether or not you neglect other areas of your life, other people in your life. You get to choose whether or not you handle your life in a healthy way. This is what is meant by 'don't sacrifice yourself to his addiction'.

I may have been told some parts of this, probably was.

The only other thing I would want to say is something I have always believed in:

There are no 'have to's' in life, only in death. You make your choices based on the consequences you prefer.

hugs for all partners




"There is only one success . . . to be able to spend your life in your own way, and not give others absurd maddening claims upon it." -Christopher Morley

Don't pee on me and tell me it's raining!

I'm not going to spend the rest of my life being your moral conscience or your babysitter. You either care, or you don't and that's obvious by what you do and don't do.

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