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Author: Subject: Night's Recovery Journal
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[*] posted on 15-7-13 at 04:48 AM
Night's Recovery Journal


Sorry if this turns out to be an extremely long post, and if it gets graphic, because I'm going to be brutally honest about things I've never told anyone in real life (and never plan to).

I'm a 17 year old guy who lacks self-discipline and has basically tried everything he possibly can to stop watching porn by himself, and so has decided to come here to get help. I was exposed to porn at the age of 10, because my older cousin asked me if I knew what porn was and I said no, and that night I got home and searched it myself, as I've always been curious and inquisitive like that. So you could say I've been watching porn for 7 years, but my true "addiction" and excessive use of it has really been the past 2 years primarily.

Porn became a problem for me because it has impacted on multiple aspects of my life. I've had insomnia for as long as I can remember and porn has kept me up until 2-3am so many nights I've lost count. I've been getting decent grades (90%+ average across all subjects) and I'm aspiring to become a lawyer, teacher or writer - but my motivations fluctuate massively due to porn use. I frequently use porn as a distraction when I'm meant to be studying, as a stress reliever, as an escape, a tool of procrastination, and because I'm a 17 year old horny guy who just can't help himself (lol). All of these things combined - no sleep --> no energy --> no exercise or study --> feelings of failure, lethargy, negativity, loss of motivation --> require release --> porn --> no sleep - is like a constant cycle I've been in for past 2 years. Which has had ups and downs, but gradually spiraled out of control.

Admitting some of the things I've looked at and done won't be easy.. I'm not sure how "graphic" I'm allowed to be (are there forum rules on here?), so I'll try to be concise. I feel like I've seen and masturbated to everything you can think of in porn, from gay/tranny to extreme BDSM and worse. I haven't only watched porn, I've also been on cam sites and done all sorts of mutual masturbation with both genders (I'm bisexual). I have a ridiculous sex drive which results in me easily masturbating 2-3 times a day, every day if I want to (though it's usually once a day, on "horny" days 2-3 times). I lack self control and discipline in a big way - although in my defense I've done alot on my own to stop.

A few months ago I thought "enough is enough", and with a rather impulsive move deleted a 53 GB porn collection from my hard drive, which I'd been building up for over a year. That was a big step in quitting my addiction, but it has honestly made no real difference. I have a huge internet bandwidth and can access/download porn anytime I want, I've got two computers in my room and my family is strict on privacy so I can watch porn to my hearts content whenever I want. As a result, me losing 53 GB on my hard drive meant nothing because I found more online. In addition to me deleting porn, I've downloaded and installed K9 Web Protection, although that thing is so easy to get around if I really want to that it's been rather useless. This is going to sound bad and it's probably the lowest point I've gotten and the scariest thing to me personally.. Months ago I put an ad on craigslist and added heaps of guys on skype for cam sex, and got dangerously close to talking myself into meeting some of them in real life for sex. I've also written erotica stories on various websites.

The last stage of porn addiction is apparently, "Pornography and acting out consumes most of individuals time, leaving him feeling completely out of control", and I reached this point. A month ago when I had reached an all-time low and realized the extent of where I was going/ what I was doing to myself, I had another impulsive move where I deleted the skype account, changed the K9 Web Protection password to something I wouldn't remember so I couldn't change its settings, and removed all traces of porn from my computer. Since then I've managed to get around the K9 Web Protection and change settings so I can watch porn again, but thankfully I couldn't get the skype account back.

So here I am. 17 years old, done some crazy shit (there is plenty more which I just won't add), and I've relapsed constantly for the past 2 years. This addiction has impacted on almost all areas of my life and it needs to stop, because it's just unhealthy for me. I'm going to figure out how to make K9 Web Protection permanent so I can't change its settings to access porn no matter what, and I'm going to post here daily to mark progress. Get ready for frequent relapsing, because I just don't know if I'll be able to stop. :/
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[*] posted on 15-7-13 at 07:45 AM


You still sound salvageable :P. Welcome!



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[*] posted on 15-7-13 at 09:53 AM


welcome to the site Night :thumbup. and for taking a step towards recovery. at such a young age. you are not alone in this addiction we have many addicts who joined this site before the age of 18. for example members: recoverer, prozilla, DTA. you may want to talk to them.


my first time seeing pn was way before the internet was created. however it was the internet where my addiction took off in 2000. and would continue for 10 years. I would go through several different emotions right after viewing pn.


depression, guilt, shame, loneliness, self hatred, self pity, anger, frustration, loss of hope, along with the foggy mind. before I got into recovery. I will share my story of addiction to recovery on my next post.

this addiction is progressive, and destructive on so many levels. many people have lost a girlfriend, a marriage,job, business, because of this addiction. it can get people to do things they never would have ever considered doing. (for example) webcam sites, going to a book store, going to an adult establishment, affairs online, affairs with a co workers.


to having legal ramifications going to massage parlors, visiting an escort, or picking up a prostitute, exhibitionism, voyeurism, indecent liberties. to looking at stuff on the internet that is illegal.

Quote:
Originally posted by Night
Months ago I put an ad on craigslist and added heaps of guys on skype for cam sex, and got dangerously close to talking myself into meeting some of them in real life for sex. I've also written erotica stories on various websites.



I want to talk about this a little bit. to point out the legal ramifications and also point out the fact that you are putting yourself at risk of meeting people who are potentially dangerous. the webcam thing you have know idea who you are talking to on the other end. it could be someone who is underage. it could be an undercover cop. and you can be arrested for child pn. because you are 17. and if you continue with webcams when you turn 18. it works in reverse. you could be arrested and charged as an adult for exposing yourself to a person who is underage.

now lets talk about craigslist. you are putting yourself at risk of meeting people who are potentially dangerous.

Consequences: and examples. the internet is flooded with teens getting arrested for sexting with a cell phone and being charged with possession of child pn.

http://www.nbcnews.com/id/28679588/ns/technology_and_science-tech_and_gadgets...

six Pennsylvania high school students are facing child pornography charges after three teenage girls allegedly took nude or semi-nude photos of themselves and shared them with male classmates via their cell phones.

The female students at Greensburg Salem High School in Greensburg, Pa., all 14- or 15-years-old, face charges of manufacturing, disseminating or possessing child pornography while the boys, who are 16 and 17, face charges of possession, according to WPXI-TV in Pittsburgh, which published the story on its Web site on Tuesday.


like i mentioned earlier. this addiction is progressive in nature.

Different Levels of Sex Addiction Behaviors And The Legal Ramifications They Have On An Addict.



Level One: mb in public, massage parlors, escort/prostitution.

Level Two: exhibitionism "exposing oneself/flasher", voyeurism "peeping tom", indecent liberties touching someone inappropriately AKA "mini r*pes".

Level Three: looking at illegal stuff on the interent, trying to meet someone underage they talked to in an online chat room. to s*xual assaulting someone.


exhibitionism: can be from the use of an electronic device. Ipod, cellphone, laptop

voyeurism. can be from the use of an electronic device. Ipod, cellphone.



Level One: behavior an addict could spend a few days in jail.

Level Two: behavior is more serious where an addict will do some extended jail time over their behavior.

Level Three: behavior has stiff ramifications where an addict will end up getting a long prison sentence.


there are many branches to the tree of this addiction. many behaviors that addicts might have engaged in. but its all one addiction at the root of the tree.



DR Patrick Carnes said that once this addiction gets in the reward center of the brain. there is a "Loss Of Contact With Reality" that goes with the addiction. in other words "Reality Returns After They Done It" and they hate themselves for it.

That statement by him speaks volumes about Addiction.


you got your whole life ahead of you. where do you see yourself if you dont stop? considering the fact that you are deep in the addiction and only 17 years old.



when you turn 18 I would look into finding a sex addicts anonymous meeting where you live. the meetings are free, and will be very beneficial to your recovery. I am going to provide those resources. and resources you can use right now.

as far as books to read i would recommend books written by dr patrick carnes.who has been helping people for over 40 years with this addiction. out of the shadows is a great book for laying the foundation for what sex addiction really is.another great book is in the shadows of the net.



we have a lot of great people here who can provide experience, strength,and hope.that recovery from this addiction can happen.


keep coming back to the site, and posting. we are here for you my friend. :thumbup




started my journey 6/10/2010 got my sobriety on 7/15/2011. but living in sobriety one day at a time.

http://www.photosnack.com/defeatingmyaddiction/p7je7fal --- Recovery Slideshow

http://www.viddler.com/v/df1b912b --- An incredible poem called "Sincerely Freedom" by Nick Vitellaro




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[*] posted on 15-7-13 at 09:54 AM


my story of addiction to recovery.

I am 43, and my pn addiction started as a really young kid. I was riding my bike down an alley and, found a pn magazine next to a trash can that was knocked over. I begin to see it periodically in the early 1980s as a teenager hanging out with friends who had relatives that had pn at their house. in the 1990s I stayed away from it. but then I learned how to use the internet in the early 2000s, and woke up the addiction that had stayed dormant for several years.

when I got deep in my addiction. I didn't have a job I would get about six hours of sleep a night. the rest of my time was looking at pn. I figured I was spending around 8 hours during the day, and about 4 to 6 hours at night looking at pn. when I went back to work. it was get off work at 5pm get online until 1 am, get 4 hours sleep. go to work, and come back to the motel. then repeat the cycle all over again. my life was a complete mess.

I came to this site, and started my recovery on 6/10/2010. I had some bumps in the road until getting sober on 7/15/2011.


what has helped me stay sober is going to SAA meetings, doing my recovery work daily. and coming here to talk with other recovering addicts.


recovery from this addiction will always require lifetime work. to stay sober. I coin the term we are "students" in our recovery program. where there is no graduation. however there is always celebration. everyday someone is sober.


sober 2 years today :thumbup


keep coming back, and posting my friend. :thumbup





started my journey 6/10/2010 got my sobriety on 7/15/2011. but living in sobriety one day at a time.

http://www.photosnack.com/defeatingmyaddiction/p7je7fal --- Recovery Slideshow

http://www.viddler.com/v/df1b912b --- An incredible poem called "Sincerely Freedom" by Nick Vitellaro




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[*] posted on 15-7-13 at 09:54 AM


here is a list of meetings in Australia. :thumbup


http://saa-recovery.org/Meetings/OtherCountries/meeting.php?country=Australia --- Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) Australia

http://saa-recovery.org/Meetings/ElectronicMeetings/index2.php?timeOffset=-420 --- Phone, And Online Meetings.

http://www.sa.org/top/Australia/ --- Sexaholics Anonymous (SA) Australia

http://saoz.net/ --- SA Australia & New Zealand

http://www.saphonemeeting.org/home.html --- Sexaholics Anonymous (SA) Phone Meetings/Skype

http://www.slaa.org.au/ --- Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA) Australia

http://slaaonline.org --- Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA) Online Meetings

http://internationalslaaonline.org --- Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA) international meetings.






started my journey 6/10/2010 got my sobriety on 7/15/2011. but living in sobriety one day at a time.

http://www.photosnack.com/defeatingmyaddiction/p7je7fal --- Recovery Slideshow

http://www.viddler.com/v/df1b912b --- An incredible poem called "Sincerely Freedom" by Nick Vitellaro




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[*] posted on 15-7-13 at 09:57 AM


http://www.sexhelp.com/am-i-a-sex-addict/sex-addiction-test ---- Sexual Addiction Screening Test (SAST)

http://www.sexhelp.com/am-i-a-sex-addict/internet-sex-screening --- Internet Sex Screening Test (ISST)

http://www.recoverynation.com --- Health Based Recovery. (with 70 plus lessons for free)

http://www.feedtherightwolf.org --- (free recovery course)

http://curethecraving.com/ --- (another free recovery course)




started my journey 6/10/2010 got my sobriety on 7/15/2011. but living in sobriety one day at a time.

http://www.photosnack.com/defeatingmyaddiction/p7je7fal --- Recovery Slideshow

http://www.viddler.com/v/df1b912b --- An incredible poem called "Sincerely Freedom" by Nick Vitellaro




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[*] posted on 15-7-13 at 09:59 AM


Large list of Recovery Tools for Addicts. :thumbup


here is a video that will explain whats going on in the brain of a pn addict. this guy gordon s bruin is the founder of innergold. and has been helping addicts for around 20 years.


I am making all the free stuff from his site available to members here at PAI.


http://www.viddler.com/v/2ec638b5

http://www.viddler.com/channel/innergold (57 additional videos)



here is a site where he does a free 1 hour live webinar once a month. where people can sign up just like skype. and can ask him questions. its totally anonymous. you just type in your question. and Gordon will answer it for you. its like getting free counseling. all of his videos are free to download too. :thumbup


The Webinar Doesnt Have An Age Requirement. and Again It Is A Safe Place For Anyone Who Is Struggling With This Addiction To Be Able To Come And Talk About It.



http://innergold.com/resources/webinars/ --- the next free 1 hour webinar to sign up for is July 31 at 7pm :thumbup


http://helpforpornaddicts.com/


here is some daily planning sheets in pdf one of them is fillable where you can write in it daily on your computer, name your emotions sheet. and some other sheets as well.

http://www.innergold.com/pdf/InnerGold_Daily_Planning_Sheets.pdf (daily planning sheets)

http://www.innergold.com/pdf/IGC_planningSheet_fillable.pdf ( fillable daily planning sheets)

http://innergold.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/day-20-masterState.pdf (master future picture statement)

http://www.innergold.com/pdf/igc%20nameEmotions.pdf (name your emotions)

http://innergold.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/igc-10com.pdf (10 questions to avoid relapse)

http://innergold.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/day-10-rockingChair.pdf (rocking chair assignment)

http://innergold.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/day-12-letterToAddict.pdf (letter telling the addictive part of your brain. that you are no longer going to believe its lies)

http://innergold.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/day-7-moralInventory.pdf (moral inventory)

http://innergold.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/day-14-control.pdf (things I can and cant control)






started my journey 6/10/2010 got my sobriety on 7/15/2011. but living in sobriety one day at a time.

http://www.photosnack.com/defeatingmyaddiction/p7je7fal --- Recovery Slideshow

http://www.viddler.com/v/df1b912b --- An incredible poem called "Sincerely Freedom" by Nick Vitellaro




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[*] posted on 15-7-13 at 10:00 AM


The Two Part Brain Of An Addict. The Limbic System. And The Prefrontal Cortex.


"IT" and the limbic system. I believe that addicts are really of two minds of this addiction. there is a part of an addict that wants to stop the behavior. and their is this other part that want to continue. and I am going to explain why that is. there are two major parts of the brain. one is pre frontal cortex which is the rational, logical, cognitive part of the brain that can think things through. and there is this other part of the brain that is the limbic system. that is known as our instinctive brain. and what the limbic system does is avoids pain and seeks pleasure.

a good example of how instinctive the limbic system is. for example when you were young. and you touched a hot stove for the first time. you experienced being burnt. a memory was created in a specific part of the limbic system called the hippocampus which is involved in memory so you dont do that again. another example of how the limbic system works.if you go outside. and its 10 degrees out. your body begins to shiver. thats the limbic systems attempt to keep the internal organs at a certain temperature so that you will survive. but do you consciously say. I better start shivering. no we dont do that. its the same thing if try to tell ourselve not to shiver. the body will keep doing it.

what happens when someone views pn for the first time . "IT" will deeply impact the limbic region of the brain. and the more they view it. they start to develop what called nuero network pathways in the brain. and "IT" gets templated in the limbic system. so when one gets stressed out about something. the limbic system will go on a search for something pleasureable to take the pain away.


here is a video that will explain whats going on in the brain of a pn addict and talk about the limbic system. this guy gordon s bruin is the founder of innergold. and has been helping addicts for around 20 years.

http://www.viddler.com/v/2ec638b5


here is some other information about the limbic system. and addiction.

http://jamescrossen.weebly.com/uploads/3/0/6/2/3062404/the_limbic_system.pdf


http://www.addictscience.com/limbic/





started my journey 6/10/2010 got my sobriety on 7/15/2011. but living in sobriety one day at a time.

http://www.photosnack.com/defeatingmyaddiction/p7je7fal --- Recovery Slideshow

http://www.viddler.com/v/df1b912b --- An incredible poem called "Sincerely Freedom" by Nick Vitellaro




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[*] posted on 15-7-13 at 10:00 AM


I did a post on the limbic system and the prefrontal cortex. Here is a post I did about an addicts belief system in how they perceive reality. and core beliefs they have about themselves.


Sex Addiction and The Addicts Belief System:

a way to understand sex addicts is to compare them with other types of addicts. A common definition of alcoholism or drug dependency is that a person has a pathological relationship with a "mood altering chemical". The alcoholic's relationship with alcohol becomes more important than family, friends, and work. The relationship progresses to the point where alcohol is necessary to feel normal. To feel "normal" for the alcoholic is also to feel "ISOLATED" and lonely since the primary relationship they depend upon to feel adequate is a chemical, not other people.

sex addiction is parallel. an addict substitutes a sick relationship to an event or process for a healthy relationship with others. The addicts relationship with a "mood altering experience" becomes central to their life. for example addicts will routinely jeopardize all that they love. their vows to quit are lost against the power of the addiction. The only thing which exceeded an addicts pain is their loneliness. Addicts progressively go through stages in which they retreat further from the reality of friends, family, and work. Their secret lives become more real than their public lives. the addict knows all too well the shame of living a double life. the real world and the addicts world.

an essential part of "Sanity" is being grounded in reality, so in the sense that addicts distort reality, the sexual addiction becomes a form of "Insanity" .

the addicts belief system contains certain core beliefs which are faulty or inaccurate and, consequently, which provide a fundamental momentum for the addiction. Generally, addicts do not perceive themselves as worthwhile persons. Nor do they believe other people would care for them or meet their needs if everything was known about them, including the addiction. Finally, they believe that sex is their most important need. Sex is what makes isolation bearable. Their core beliefs are the anchor points of the sexual addiction.



Impaired Thinking:

Out of the belief system. the set of interacting faulty beliefs come distorted views of reality. Denial leads the list of ways addicts distort reality. Addicts use many devices to deny to themselves and others that there is a problem. Ignoring the problem, blaming others, and minimizing the behaviors are part of the addict's defensive repertoire. Consequences such as std, unwanted pregnancy, lost jobs, arrests, and broken relationships are either overlooked or attributed to factors other than the addiction:


Here are some examples.


STD --- "A lot of people get it now"

Unwanted Pregnancy --"She tricked me into it."

Arrests --"Cops had it in for me. They had no real proof"

Lost Job --"The boss needs to be liberated."

Relationship --"Her family always had problems. She simply couldn't handle it."


When addicts believe in the defensive rationalizations, the result is denial that a specific incident or behavior is a part of a total behavioral pattern. Arguments, excuses, justifications, and circular reasoning abound in the addict's impaired mental processes.


I am oversexed and have to meet my needs.

What she doesn't know won't hurt her.

If only my wife would be more responsive.

If I don't have it every few days, the pressure builds up.

Men are like animals. males are more sexual than females.

She really enjoyed, asked for, deserved it.

Every guy will get what "n**kie" he can.

With the stress I am under, I deserve it.

It doesn't hurt anybody because. I couldn't help it, given how she acted.

No one really cares.

It's my way of relaxing.

Women always pretend they don't want it when they do.


Whatever the rationalization, it further cuts the addicts off from the reality of their behavior.

Sincere delusion is believing your own lies. The addicts who make a commitment to change or follow through on something are sincere in their intentions. They are as sincere as when they vow to themselves to quit. They may even experience a great deal of emotion. tears of pain, expressions of tenderness, or anger when someone doesn't believe in their good intentions. However, their commitment to others is no more valid than their vows to themselves. It appears to be paradoxical to be sincere about telling a lie. It is not. But it is evidence of seriously impaired thinking. An example of the thinking process will help. The addict who has been confronted by his wife because he was not at work when he was suppose to be spins out a tale as to his whereabouts. She doubts he is telling the truth. He is incensed at her distrust. He assumes she would be this way even if he were truthful. So he takes it a step further. He assures her that he had even told her earlier that this would happen. This makes her feel even crazier, because she cannot remember. His emotions about her distrust are real. He is now even more incensed that she cannot remember. His lies and his sincerity become fused.


The Addiction Cycle:

For sexual addicts an addictive experience progresses through a four-step cycle which intensifies with each repetition:

I. Preoccupation--the trance or mood wherein the addicts' minds are completely engrossed with thoughts of sex. This mental state creates an obsessive search for sexual
stimulation.

2. Ritualization--the addicts' own special routines which lead up to the sexual behavior. The ritual intensifies the preoccupation, adding arousal and excitement.

3. Compulsive sexual behavior--the actual sexual act, which is the end goal of the preoccupation and ritualization. Sexual addicts are unable to control or stop this behavior.

4. Despair--the feeling of utter hopelessness addicts have about their behavior and their powerlessness.

The pain the addicts feel at the end of the cycle can be numbed or obscured by sexual preoccupation which re-engages the addiction cycle. Sexual addicts are hostages of their own preoccupation. Every passerby, every relationship, and every introduction to someone passes through the sexually obsessive filter. More than merely noticing sexually attractive people, there is a quality of desperation which interferes with work, relaxation, and even sleep. People become objects to be scrutinized. A walk through a crowded downtown area is translated into a veritable shopping list of "possibilities."

the addict uses or abuses, rather one of the most exciting moments in human experience: sex.

the first two phases of the addictive cycle (preoccupation and ritualization) are not always visible. The addict struggles to present an image of normalcy to the outside world. The public self is a false ego, since the addict knows the incongruity of his double life. Compulsive sexual behavior, the third phase of the cycle, however, leaves a trail, despite the protective public image. addicts are powerless over their behavior. They have lost control over their sexual expression which is exactly why they are defined as addicts. The failure of their efforts to control their behavior is a sign of their addiction. Sexual addicts often describe the process of picking a day--a child's birthday, a change of jobs, a holiday as "the last day." Usually, this marks a time when "it" will never happen again. Sometimes addicts will set goals a year, a month, or a week. Whether forever or a shorter time, the addicts betray themselves, buying into the delusion that they are in control of their behavior. When they fail, yet another indictment of self-control and morality is added to ever increasing shame.

For the recovering addicts who have acknowledged powerlessness, there is hope. They know that they might get through one day free from their addiction with a lot of help.


Despair:

despair in which the addict experiences after being compulsively sexual is the "low" phase of the four-step cycle. The let-down combines the sense of failure at not having lived up to resolutions to stop with hopelessness about ever being able to stop. If the behavior was particularly degrading, humiliating, or risky, the addict's self-pity grows, if the behavior violated basic personal values or exploited them, the addict experiences self-hatred as well. Addicts often report suicidal feelings along with their despair and shame. Standing in the wings, however, is the ever-ready preoccupation which can pull the addict out of the doldrums. The cycle then becomes self-perpetuating. Each repetition builds upon the previous experiences and solidifies the reiterative pattern of the addiction. As the cycle fastens its grip on the addict, the addict's life starts to disintegrate and become unmanageable.


Unmanageability:

The addict is caught up in the task of keeping his secret life from affecting his "public" life. Even so, the consequences come: arrests, unmasked lies, disruption, unmet commitments, attempts to explain the unexplainable. The addiction surfaces in the addict's inability to manage his or her life. For a moment, the addict recognizes he or she cannot continue. But the impaired mental process blurs reality with euphoric recall of sexual successes. The addict faces yet again the ultimate seduction: a unique opportunity which, of course, will be "the last time." This unending struggle to manage two lives--"normal" and addictive continues. The unmanageability takes its toll. Family and friendships are abbreviated and sacrificed. Hobbies are neglected. Finances are affecled. Physical needs of other kinds are unattended. The addict's lifestyle becomes a consistent violation of his own values, compounding the shame. The impaired mental processes result in faulty problem-solving in all areas of the addict's life. These decisions add to further to unmanageability.

unmanageability from the addiction has run its course when there is no longer a double life. When there are no longer friends or family to protect or job to hold or pretenses to be made even though some things are valued enough to want to stop the addiction is at its most destructive and violent point. All forms of addiction are vicious because they further the inability to trust others. Yet without help from others, the addict cannot regain control because the addiction feeds itself. The sexual addiction is especially virulent because few forms of fixation or excitement are as super-charged with social judgment, ridicule, or fear. Consequently, seeking help is especially difficult for the sexual addict.


Recovery:

Recovery from addiction is the reversal of the alienation that is integral to the addiction. Addicts must establish roots in a caring community. whether it be counseling and or a 12 step fellowship. With that support, addicts can stay straight as they struggle for a perspective on their lives. With help, addicts can integrate new beliefs and discard dysfunctional thinking. Without the mood-altering insanity to insulate them from knowledge about their own selves, they become participants in the restoration of their own sanity.








started my journey 6/10/2010 got my sobriety on 7/15/2011. but living in sobriety one day at a time.

http://www.photosnack.com/defeatingmyaddiction/p7je7fal --- Recovery Slideshow

http://www.viddler.com/v/df1b912b --- An incredible poem called "Sincerely Freedom" by Nick Vitellaro




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[*] posted on 15-7-13 at 10:01 AM


Helpful Books available for Addicts. That are Free to Read Online.


these links are from the sellers of these books. giving you an opportunity to read quite a bit of the book for free. :thumbup


(books for addicts)


http://books.google.com/books?id=b1C6-lFkorYC&printsec=frontcover&dq=... ----- Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction.


http://books.google.com/books?id=BCAAeJ_460oC&printsec=frontcover&dq=... ----- In the Shadows of the Net: Breaking Free of Compulsive Online Sexual Behavior.


http://books.google.com/books?id=LT2W2OzZXo8C&printsec=frontcover&dq=... ---- Don't Call It Love: Recovery From Sexual Addiction.


http://books.google.com/books?id=3Q2FUU_a50gC&pg=PT73&source=gbs_sele... ---- A Gentle Path through the Twelve Steps.


http://books.google.com/books?id=VsiNaoSov5IC&printsec=frontcover&dq=... ---- A Gentle Path through the Twelve Principles.


http://books.google.com/books?id=jaQsgJLmOrkC&printsec=frontcover&dq=... ---- Contrary to Love: Helping the Sexual Addict.





started my journey 6/10/2010 got my sobriety on 7/15/2011. but living in sobriety one day at a time.

http://www.photosnack.com/defeatingmyaddiction/p7je7fal --- Recovery Slideshow

http://www.viddler.com/v/df1b912b --- An incredible poem called "Sincerely Freedom" by Nick Vitellaro




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[*] posted on 15-7-13 at 10:03 AM


you mentioned k9 web protection. here are some other free tools.


x3watch is a free accountability software we also have posted here on the site. it doesn't filter anything but it will send a weekly email list of every website visited. to an accountability partner you choose.

http://www.x3watch.com/x3watchfree.html




DNS filters for computer and router.

http://www.opendns.com/home-solutions/parental-controls/#family --- open DNS for computers or routers.

https://dns.norton.com/dnsweb/homePage.do --- norton DNS for computers or routers.



Safe Search Settings for Msn, Yahoo, Google, Aol

http://www.bing.com/settings.aspx --- msn safe search settings.

http://us.search.yahoo.com/preferences/preferences --- yahoo safe search settings.

http://www.google.com/preferences --- google safe search settings.

http://help.aol.com/help/microsites/search.do?cmd=displayKC&externalId=22... --- Aol safe search settings.




Safe Search Engines.


http://www.safe-find.com/
Safe-Find is a Safe Google search engine. We use Google's filtered SafeSearch technology which filters adult sites and images from your search results. This means your Google Search results will always have Strict Safe Search activated by default. We also maintain our own database of keywords and phrases to additionally block adult material.


http://safesearchweb.com/
Safe Search Web: Search results on Google SafeSearch filters explicit material from search terms entered.


http://safe--search.com/
Google's Safe Search helps to eliminate content that contains unwanted material from search results. While no filter is 100% accurate, Google's filter uses advanced proprietary technology that checks keywords and phrases, URLs and Open Directory categories. This web site is independent from Google. However, the process was developed by Google. Use the links at the top of the page to make this page your home page or add us to one of your favorites. Reduce unwanted results.


http://www.safe-find.net/
The reason why you should use Safe find as the safest search engine is that we'll never show you bad content, malware, any pornography, adult content, malware etc. We're powered by Google Search, and our safe search results are filtered by power algorythms.





started my journey 6/10/2010 got my sobriety on 7/15/2011. but living in sobriety one day at a time.

http://www.photosnack.com/defeatingmyaddiction/p7je7fal --- Recovery Slideshow

http://www.viddler.com/v/df1b912b --- An incredible poem called "Sincerely Freedom" by Nick Vitellaro




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[*] posted on 15-7-13 at 10:03 AM


Free Mozilla Firefox Internet Filters, Webmail Ad Blocker For Computers. And Android Phones.


http://www.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/new/ --- For Computers

http://www.mozilla.org/en-US/mobile/ --- For Android


https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/foxfilter/
FoxFilter is a personal content filter that helps block pornographic and other inappropriate content. All filtering features are free! Premium features available with small support fee.


https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/adblock-plus/?src=hp-dl-mostpo... --- Adblock Plus Free Software

Adblock Plus allows you to regain control of the internet and view the web the way you want to. The add-on is supported by over forty filter subscriptions in dozens of languages which automatically configure it for purposes ranging from removing online advertising to blocking all known malware domains. Adblock Plus also allows you to customize your filters with the assistance of a variety of useful features, including a context option for images, a block tab for Flash and Java objects, and a list of blockable items to remove scripts and style sheets.


https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/procon-latte/?src=ss --- ProCon Latte Content Filter

ProCon is a FREE content filter for the Firefox browser. It can filter any kind of material (pornography, gambling, hacking, cracking, etc...), it can also block all traffic, making sure that only desired websites (set in the Whitelist) can be accessed, and includes a profanity filter, all like a parental control filter.

ProCon also has password protection in order to keep others from changing the settings.


https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/webmail-ad-blocker/ ---Free Webmail Ad Blocker For Mozilla.

Expand your email area by blocking and removing ads on the right hand side of the screen when using Gmail, Hotmail, Outlook.com and Yahoo Mail.









started my journey 6/10/2010 got my sobriety on 7/15/2011. but living in sobriety one day at a time.

http://www.photosnack.com/defeatingmyaddiction/p7je7fal --- Recovery Slideshow

http://www.viddler.com/v/df1b912b --- An incredible poem called "Sincerely Freedom" by Nick Vitellaro




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[*] posted on 15-7-13 at 10:06 AM


Free Internet Filters For Android And iPhones


https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.cloudacl --- Cloudacl WebFilter 2012 Free For Android.

Description:

Cloudacl Safe Web Browser is cloud based content filtering safe web browser which monitoring millions websites and billion of webpages to keep you family especially your kids have a safer internet surfing environment.



https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/safenet-browser/id464206775 --- Cloudacl WebFence (Formerly SafeNet Browser) Free For iPhone

Description:

Cloudacl WebFence (Formerly SafeNet Browser) is the leading parental control and content filtering mobile browser. It is a safe browser for your family. WebFence is powered by the innovative CLOUDACL content filtering and site categorization system which go through over 10 million web sites and billions of pages every day.






started my journey 6/10/2010 got my sobriety on 7/15/2011. but living in sobriety one day at a time.

http://www.photosnack.com/defeatingmyaddiction/p7je7fal --- Recovery Slideshow

http://www.viddler.com/v/df1b912b --- An incredible poem called "Sincerely Freedom" by Nick Vitellaro




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[*] posted on 15-7-13 at 10:07 AM


Fight The New Drug. Educating On The Harmful Effects Of Porn.


http://www.fightthenewdrug.org/




started my journey 6/10/2010 got my sobriety on 7/15/2011. but living in sobriety one day at a time.

http://www.photosnack.com/defeatingmyaddiction/p7je7fal --- Recovery Slideshow

http://www.viddler.com/v/df1b912b --- An incredible poem called "Sincerely Freedom" by Nick Vitellaro




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[*] posted on 16-7-13 at 01:56 AM


Thanks heaps defeatingmyaddiction!! I've looked at everything here and it's definitely given me an insight and more understanding.

I'm considering allocating saturday as a "porn day" for myself. Simply stopping porn cold turkey and promising myself I'll NEVER watch it, has never worked for me. I always relapse, I never have the discipline. The only real problem I have with this addiction is how time consuming it is (which causes me to lack sleep, not study, etc etc). Other issues are that I don't want to grow up and not be able to have ordinary sex due to porn addiction.

But if I can limit it to once a week (saturday) and make that somewhat of a "relax/reward" day with no study or commitments (teachers recommend having one day a week with no study, usually saturday nights), maybe that will be more realistic and manageable for me. However, this could just be me trying to convince myself that watching porn "occasionally" is okay, when it isn't. I dunno. Is this one-day-a-week idea bound for failure? Is it a bad idea?

Also, I've been under the impression that stopping PORN is the goal, but I can continue masturbating with imagination (in shower or bed with just my mind; NOT lengthy porn sessions at computer). Is it a good idea to still masturbate in shower or bed, when recovering from a porn addiction? As a sort of "supplement" or attempt to reduce the cravings?

I've got very important final exams in 2 weeks that I need to be studying/preparing for, really every single day. Yet I've probably spent 2 hours on porn every night since last friday (including yesterday, right after I created this thread). So now is a crucial time to stop.

At the moment I'm thinking of weaning off porn, because stopping instantly never works and always causes me to relapse badly. So I'm considering making saturday nights porn nights, and all other nights study nights.. (and masturbation without porn is fine). And after a couple of weeks of maintaining this, if I feel I'm ready, I'll stop altogether. However if you think this is just stupid and won't work please let me know.

PS: I've got incredible urges right now, this is my first day off porn. -.-
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[*] posted on 16-7-13 at 06:15 AM


Maybe not what you want to hear, but I'm going to tell you right off the bat: it won't work.

As you won't be able to break free of the addiction as long as you don't regard it as something that is life-threatening.

Guys that stayed clean for half a year, found out that 1 dose was enough to drag them back.

Having almost 3 years of very little P usage behind me, I can tell you that I could pull off something of a less P usage than once a week, than what you are mentioning.

I don't want to baby-talk you, but I'd bet more than you could imagine, out of experience, that what you are trying to "rationalize", won't work. If you cannot stop cold turkey, with the inherent bumps and bruises, you don't want it enough; when I was in your place, I still needed a few kilos of pain and grief, before I regarded this as something that coul suck life out of me. Looking back, I could've done just fine without a few extra wasted years.

But it's your call, your pain, your bruises. All I can do is offer you some advice. Keep in mind, my way of dealing with this has always been head-on, boxing until my knuckles hurt. I think I have inside everything I need to rise above this preoccupation.

Good luck.




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[*] posted on 16-7-13 at 06:40 AM


Quote:
Originally posted by Night
I'm considering allocating saturday as a "porn day" for myself. Simply stopping porn cold turkey and promising myself I'll NEVER watch it, has never worked for me. I always relapse, I never have the discipline. The only real problem I have with this addiction is how time consuming it is (which causes me to lack sleep, not study, etc etc). Other issues are that I don't want to grow up and not be able to have ordinary sex due to porn addiction.

But if I can limit it to once a week (saturday) and make that somewhat of a "relax/reward" day with no study or commitments (teachers recommend having one day a week with no study, usually saturday nights), maybe that will be more realistic and manageable for me. However, this could just be me trying to convince myself that watching porn "occasionally" is okay, when it isn't. I dunno. Is this one-day-a-week idea bound for failure? Is it a bad idea?


as you have already seen this addiction is progressive in nature. and can get people to do things they never would have considered doing. there is no moderation management with this addiction. where an addict can pick, and choose which behaviors to stop, and which ones to keep. or what days they are going to look at pn. Addicts have lost control over their sexual behavior. which is exactly why they are defined as Addicts.

as the saying goes. 1 time is too many. and a 1000 times is never enough.



Quote:
Originally posted by Night
Also, I've been under the impression that stopping PORN is the goal, but I can continue masturbating with imagination (in shower or bed with just my mind; NOT lengthy porn sessions at computer). Is it a good idea to still masturbate in shower or bed, when recovering from a porn addiction? As a sort of "supplement" or attempt to reduce the cravings?


for addicts the cycle goes like this. mb with fantasy, then to mb with borderline material "racy looking non n*de pictures". to mb with pn. all the behaviors I described they all are linked to mb. flooding the brain with dopamine, and glutamate the same way.

I coin the phrase. an addict cant mb their way out of this addiction. because mb is the behavior part of this addiction.

in the preface of the SA book (sexaholics anonymous) it says this book is for those that want to stop their sexually self destructive "Thinking", and "Behavior". its almost like the "Behavior" is an after thought. its the "Thinking" in which an addict acts out in their mind.


Roy K the founder of SA also talked about the "Fantasies". and the memories. that go on in the brain. its the "Thought" that turns into a "Fantasy". that begins the process of acting out.

I remember something an old timer said at a meeting once. who had several years of sobriety. he said people wonder why they keep relapsing? they keep relapsing because they never have really gotten sober. they stopped some acting out behavior. but the acting out in their mind continued.


that statement made perfect sense to me. :thumbup


Quote:
Originally posted by Night

At the moment I'm thinking of weaning off porn, because stopping instantly never works and always causes me to relapse badly. So I'm considering making saturday nights porn nights, and all other nights study nights.. (and masturbation without porn is fine). And after a couple of weeks of maintaining this, if I feel I'm ready, I'll stop altogether. However if you think this is just stupid and won't work please let me know.

PS: I've got incredible urges right now, this is my first day off porn. -.-


pn and mb are both the problem. before I got sober it didn't matter which behavior I started first. if I mb then I would get on the computer, and look at pn. if I looked at pn on the computer then I would mb. and during both behaviors I always had a lustful thought. I couldn't ever separate the two addictions. or get rid of the lustful thought. while I was doing the behavior. therefore I am a recovering addict from both addictions.

like I mention. early in my recovery I continued to mb while stopping pn use. eventually mb wasn't enough, and I found myself right back at looking at pn again. "I couldn't separate the two behaviors"

here is a great analogy for the reason why that is.

if mb was enough to get rid of the urge to look at pn. "which is what an addict is trying to do". then an addict would only have an addiction to mb. and wouldn't feel the need to continue to look at pn. because mb would be enough. the problem is what I said earlier that mb and pn are connected to each other.

for addicts the cycle goes like this. mb with fantasy, then to mb with borderline material. to mb with pn. all the behaviors I described they all are linked to mb. flooding the brain with dopamine, and glutamate the same way.

like I said earlier an addict cant mb their way out of this addiction. because mb is the behavior part of this addiction.

just like an alcoholic who drinks hard liquor. cant drink their way into sobriety by switching to beer. hard liquor is the pn. and beer is the mb. but they both have the same effect on the brain.




it is important to have hope and not give up. we are here to help you in any way we can.

keep coming back and posting my friend. :thumbup




started my journey 6/10/2010 got my sobriety on 7/15/2011. but living in sobriety one day at a time.

http://www.photosnack.com/defeatingmyaddiction/p7je7fal --- Recovery Slideshow

http://www.viddler.com/v/df1b912b --- An incredible poem called "Sincerely Freedom" by Nick Vitellaro




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[*] posted on 16-7-13 at 06:43 AM


Here is a recent post I did about Masturbation.

http://www.pornaddictioninfo.com/boards/viewthread.php?tid=9218


The Topic Of Masturbation And Its Connection To This Addiction


There has been talk about mb and its connection to pn here on the board. also questons if mb is right or wrong?


addicts who are addicted to pn. when they are alone watching pn on the internet. they end up mb. and whenever they are alone and mb first. they end up getting on the internet, and looking at pn to intensify the flash floods of dopamine and glutamate even more by adding that "Visual stimulation" to their "Physical stimulation"


for some Addict In Recovery who mb. they are using mb to temporarly kill the cravings. the fact is that mb is the "Physical Behavior" they did when they were looking at pn. and if an Addict In Recovery continues to mb it will "Always Escalate" back to looking at pn again. and why wouldnt it? looking at pn on a computer and mb. have always been the two behaviors connected to each other. the "Visual" and "Physical" behaviors involving an Addict sexually acting out.


some questions for addicts to ask themselves about mb.


what is it that an addict gets from mb?

what is it that makes mb so important to an addict?

what is the short term benefit that an addict is looking for by mb?

what is the thoughts that are in the mind of an addict while they mb?


again its is because of the connection mb has to their "Visual Pn Addiction" and Mb being the "Physical Behavior" that they are doing when they look at pn.


Also before an addict got sober. How many times did they mb when they didnt have access to pn?



again looking at pn "visually" gives the brain some dopamine and glutamate. also mb gives the brain the exact same chemicals "dopamine and glutamate" in fact the addictive part of the brain wants to achieve ej*culation. and "IT" wants to use whatever methods that will intensify the chemicals. even if it means not having pn. and using the mind through "Fantasy" and bringing up some old pn images. while an Addict mb.



if someone has mb listed as a "Behavior" to avoid as part of their sobriety. its goes beyond the question whether its right or wrong. the fact is that they are stopping mb. because it was affecting their sobriety. I havent ever met an Addict In Recovery that continues to mb and doesn"t have a desire to go back to looking at pn again. or met an Addict Not In Recovery that doesnt mb to pn.



in fact some addicts will even claim that mb isnt sex with self. if it isnt sex with self. then what is it? in my opinion mb is "Sex With Self". because the person is "Sexually Stimulating Themselves"



Masturbation

Definition: Masturbation refers to stimulating oneself for sexual excitement or climax.

Also Known As: solo sex



I will even go a step further. some addicts will be "Physically" stimulating themselves by mb. and will even say that since they didnt go to ej*culation. they will even claim that they are still sober.


as it says on a sobriety chip. "To Thine Own Self Be True" reminding a recovering addict to be honest with themselves in everyday activities, and in recovery.


I remember an old timer at a meeting talking about this topic. he said for an addict to be mb "Sexually Stimulating Themselves" while trying to prevent ej*culation. if that isnt a form of self abuse on themselves he doesnt know what is. he said that he would rather be waterboarded. then to mb. and try to prevent ej*culation.





started my journey 6/10/2010 got my sobriety on 7/15/2011. but living in sobriety one day at a time.

http://www.photosnack.com/defeatingmyaddiction/p7je7fal --- Recovery Slideshow

http://www.viddler.com/v/df1b912b --- An incredible poem called "Sincerely Freedom" by Nick Vitellaro




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[*] posted on 16-7-13 at 06:49 AM


To be fair...looking at non-nude pictures did not drag me back into P. but, it was wrong, on two levels:
- my already sensitive brain got a dopamine rush, so I was still strengthening the same neural paths;
- soon, my brain was telling me again that this wasn't enough. Not to exclude the fact that searching for non-nude stuff would sometimes take you to corners where you could still see nude stuff. I just wasn't giving into those, at that time.

So, I'm just going to say that it's too much of a gamble today for me to do anything more than keeping sex confined as it was intended to, in my opinion.




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[*] posted on 16-7-13 at 06:59 AM


bulldog here is a post I did on member Kinema journal where I talk about borderline material "racy looking non n*de pictures. and I also talk about mb. one of many post I have done here at PAI about it. all of these people who have had success at sobriety. stay clear of it. including myself. 2 years sober yesterday.







Quote:
Originally posted by Kinema
There sure are a lot of potential triggers hanging around FB, other usually harmless sites. though.



Quote:
Originally posted by defeatingmyaddiction
those sites are what we recovering addicts refer to as borderline material. "Very Dangerous Place For An Addict In Recovery To Be At"




Quote:
Originally posted by Kinema
Caught myself just a few minutes ago googling if it's ok to masturbate while try to recover from porn addiction. I still don't know if it's ok or not, but I committed to no PMO, so I'm sticking with that. Definitely no MB until all of my other PA-related issues are long gone.



Quote:
Originally posted by defeatingmyaddiction
I cannot say it enough about an Addicts cycle of acting out. an Addicts cycle goes like this. mb with fantasy, then to mb with borderline material. to mb with pn. some examples of members who talk about it. and how "borderline material is involved in the process.


Quote:
Originally posted by nebraskaguy2
I got tough on myself today and am starting anew - no borderline material - no excuses.

Thanks everyone for all their support

.5 days and counting :thumbup





Quote:
Originally posted by defeatingmyaddiction
posted on 23-4-13 at 16:05
:thumbup on the 5 days Jondi J

your question about pn and mb? they are both the problem. before I got sober it didn't matter which behavior I started first. if I mb then I would get on the computer, and look at pn. if I looked at pn on the computer then I would mb. and during both behaviors I always had a lustful thought. I couldn't ever separate the two addictions. or get rid of the lustful thought. while I was doing the behavior. therefore I am a recovering addict from both addictions.

like I mention. early in my recovery I continued to mb while stopping pn use. eventually mb wasn't enough, and I found myself right back at looking at pn again. "I couldn't separate the two behaviors"

here is a great analogy for the reason why that is.

if mb was enough to get rid of the urge to look at pn. "which is what an addict is trying to do". then an addict would only have an addiction to mb. and wouldn't feel the need to continue to look at pn. because mb would be enough. the problem is what I said earlier that mb and pn are connected to each other.

for addicts the cycle goes like this. mb with fantasy, then to mb with borderline material. to mb with pn. all the behaviors I described they all are linked to mb. flooding the brain with dopamine, and glutamate the same way.

I coin the phrase. an addict cant mb their way out of this addiction. because mb is the behavior part of this addiction.

just like an alcoholic who drinks hard liquor. cant drink their way into sobriety by switching to beer. hard liquor is the pn. and beer is the mb. but they both have the same effect on the brain.




Quote:
Originally posted by defeatingmyaddiction
posted on 23-4-13 at 16:05
for addicts the cycle goes like this. mb with fantasy, then to mb with borderline material. to mb with pn. all the behaviors I described they all are linked to mb. flooding the brain with dopamine, and glutamate the same way.

I coin the phrase. an addict cant mb their way out of this addiction. because mb is the behavior part of this addiction.



Quote:
Originally posted by paulmor909
posted on 26-4-13 at 22:43
Boy this is really true! Sounds exactly like the cycle I went through to get to where I am now. It was P & M. If there was ever a time I didn't have access to P, than it was M and fantasies. When I finally gave up P, than it became borderline. I didn't even have to M to borderline, I just got high looking at that junk. Than I got rid of P & borderline and I continued to M once a month or so (my planned slips subconscious as they might have been). I held onto my addiction just doing this, even looked forward to it I think. I'd get to the point where I was stressed out, fearful, triggered, etc and than finally I broke (M without P). It WAS still acting out. Than it almost lead back to P twice and FINALLY 3 1/2 months ago I started my no M sobriety. All this stuff is an interconnecting cycle of addiction. Lust, borderline, P, M, or mental fantasies or relapses. You can't pick and choose, they all lead down the same path to addiction. Very well said DMA! :)






Quote:
Originally posted by trapped7
posted on 3-6-13 at 13:39
congrats r2q on going for 9 straight months without P! that's really quite an accomplishment, you can be proud of yourself.

i made it to 4 months only before I relapsed and I had a few minor relapses since then.
As DMA said, the cycle goes M to fantasy, which escalates to M to borderline material and then to M to P. I've just recently witnessed this again, to me there's no doubt about it that it's true.
I recently tried a reboot while allowing myself to M. I made it to 14 days before it went to borderline material and then to PMO on the same day.
It doesn't work, as far as I'm concerned.

So let us stay away from both M and borderline material I say so we won't be putting ourselves at risk.
We get so many benefits in return, more energy, more confidence, a stronger sense of direction in life - it's so worth it on so many levels.





Quote:
Originally posted by ready2quit
posted on 6-6-13 at 16:45
I was very fortunate that I haven't made the last step, M to P, but I would occasionally feel like I was getting close to that and I've worked so hard to give up P, that I never want to go back there. I don't want to go back there and I don't ever want to get to a point where I either have to tell my wife I went back to P or lie to her by omission.



Quote:
Originally posted by defeatingmyaddiction
posted on 11-6-13 at 13:57
very well put trapped7 and ready2quit about how important it is to refrain from mb. and how it escalates back into looking at pn again.



Quote:
Originally posted by defeatingmyaddiction[/i
in the preface of the SA book (sexaholics anonymous) it says this book is for those that want to stop their sexually self destructive "Thinking", and "Behavior". its almost like the "Behavior" is an after thought. its the "Thinking" in which an addict acts out in their mind.


Roy K the founder of SA also talked about the "Fantasies". and the memories. that go on in the brain. its the "Thought" that turns into a "Fantasy". that begins the process of acting out.


I also remember something a guy said at a meeting once. who had several years of sobriety. he said people wonder why they keep relapsing? they keep relapsing because they never have really gotten sober. they stopped some acting out behavior. but the acting out in their "Mind" continued.




The three forms of an Addict being sober. Mentally, Visually, and Physically.


(1) Sober Mentally. not fantasizing with lustful thoughts in your head.

(2) Sober Visually. not lusting after people in public, magazines, newspaper ads, television, or on the internet.

(3) Sober Physically. not stimulating ones self.


MVP sobriety :thumbup





started my journey 6/10/2010 got my sobriety on 7/15/2011. but living in sobriety one day at a time.

http://www.photosnack.com/defeatingmyaddiction/p7je7fal --- Recovery Slideshow

http://www.viddler.com/v/df1b912b --- An incredible poem called "Sincerely Freedom" by Nick Vitellaro




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[*] posted on 16-7-13 at 07:12 AM


Quote:
Originally posted by bulldog
posted on 16-7-13 at 05:49
To be fair...looking at non-nude pictures did not drag me back into P.

it doesnt matter whether its considered pn or not. its what the mind of an Addict does with it. the brain gets dopamine and glutamate from looking at those pictures.

there are many branches to the tree of this addiction has many behaviors that Addicts engage in. but its all one Addiction at the root of the tree.





Quote:
Originally posted by bulldog
posted on 16-7-13 at 05:49
To be fair...looking at non-nude pictures did not drag me back into P. but, it was wrong, on two levels:
- my already sensitive brain got a dopamine rush, so I was still strengthening the same neural paths;
- soon, my brain was telling me again that this wasn't enough. Not to exclude the fact that searching for non-nude stuff would sometimes take you to corners where you could still see nude stuff. I just wasn't giving into those, at that time.

So, I'm just going to say that it's too much of a gamble today for me to do anything more than keeping sex confined as it was intended to, in my opinion.



it also wrong because its objectifying woman. instead of seeing them as individuals living their own lives. Addicts see them as the role these woman play in their addiction. its also disrespectful to the Addicts Spouse. and to the Partners here on this site.




started my journey 6/10/2010 got my sobriety on 7/15/2011. but living in sobriety one day at a time.

http://www.photosnack.com/defeatingmyaddiction/p7je7fal --- Recovery Slideshow

http://www.viddler.com/v/df1b912b --- An incredible poem called "Sincerely Freedom" by Nick Vitellaro




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[*] posted on 16-7-13 at 03:40 PM


I remember those posts.

Today, I agree with you. I take things more seriously, using in a "black and white" approach.

Congratulations on smashing through this for two years, amazing! :)




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[*] posted on 16-7-13 at 04:02 PM


Quote:
Originally posted by bulldog
I remember those posts.

Today, I agree with you. I take things more seriously, using in a "black and white" approach.


i would hope that you remember these post you wrote them at 5:49 AM this morning.

Quote:
Originally posted by bulldog
Congratulations on smashing through this for two years, amazing! :)



thank you for the congratulations. its always "one day at a time" :thumbup




started my journey 6/10/2010 got my sobriety on 7/15/2011. but living in sobriety one day at a time.

http://www.photosnack.com/defeatingmyaddiction/p7je7fal --- Recovery Slideshow

http://www.viddler.com/v/df1b912b --- An incredible poem called "Sincerely Freedom" by Nick Vitellaro




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[*] posted on 16-7-13 at 04:23 PM


Actually when I am traveling, I don't bother to check the timezone settings :).

And I was talking about the discussion b/w you and Kinema ;).




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[*] posted on 17-7-13 at 02:43 AM


Thanks guys, all this has really helped!

Quote:
pn and mb are both the problem. before I got sober it didn't matter which behavior I started first. if I mb then I would get on the computer, and look at pn. if I looked at pn on the computer then I would mb. and during both behaviors I always had a lustful thought. I couldn't ever separate the two addictions. or get rid of the lustful thought. while I was doing the behavior. therefore I am a recovering addict from both addictions.

like I mention. early in my recovery I continued to mb while stopping pn use. eventually mb wasn't enough, and I found myself right back at looking at pn again. "I couldn't separate the two behaviors"


I see what you mean and kind of agree, I'm usually the same way where masturbation would lead to me searching for "more" in the form of porn. I personally believe in a sort of "all things in moderation" philosophy, and I think that masturbation and "lustful" thoughts are completely normal and acceptable - as long as they're not excessive. I mean, if you are single and haven't had sex in months, masturbation is healthy (even some animals masturbate).. and lustful thoughts are kind of unavoidable and normal (as long as they aren't related to porn or are intrusive all hours of the day).

Quote:
Originally posted by Kinema
There sure are a lot of potential triggers hanging around FB, other usually harmless sites. though.


This is so true, honestly my facebook is just filled with links to nude/skimpy crap, most girls in my grade at school upload slutty photos all the time (I'm not complaining lol but it doesn't exactly help me), and on skype me and like 5 friends are in a group conversation and they're always trading links which 50% of the time relate in some way to chicks or porn. And one of my friends has porn addiction worse than I do.

So I've got so many distractions/triggers to put up with. But I should be alright - some days I'm so busy with study I literally forget about porn, which is great. But the moment I notice something and watch it, I'm on it for hours into the night. Ugh.

I've come to the conclusion that I'm simply going to try and stop cold turkey both masturbation and porn. I had a shower earlier as an excuse to masturbate without looking at porn, when I was supposed to be studying. -.- So tomorrow will be my first "clean" day, and I'll begin recording here. It won't be easy though. :(
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